The Forum             

The Forum is an international monthly publication of Al-Anon Family Groups, that offers help and hope for the families and friends of alcoholics.  Al-Anon and Alateen members share their challenges, insights, and progress along their path of self-discovery and spiritual growth.  The magazine also includes topics for discussion at meetings as well as news and information from Al-Anon's World Service Conference and World Service Office. To order your subscription click Here

The following articles are reprinted from the August 2025 issue, with permission of  The Forum,

Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.,Virginia Beach, VA

Separating My Husband From the Disease      by Beth K.

My husband's alcoholism really began to escalate after his mother died.  One night after coming home from the neighbours, he was having such a hard time walking that even standing was difficult.  There he was, bent over holding on to the doorway.  As he looked up at me, I was overwhelmed with what I saw in his eyes.  I saw a heartbreaking mix of hurt, confusion and fear.  He looked completely lost, as if he'd wandered into a world he didn't understand.

     I hadn't seen much, if any, emotion in his eyes while he was drinking.  But then, in that single, devastating moment, I saw the full extent of his suffering.  The disease's brutality was laid bare, transforming the man I loved.  In his eyes, I witnessed both my husband's presence and the relentless grip of alcoholism, a grip I believe he desperately wanted to break.

     That moment of understanding, when I truly separated the disease from the person, was a turning point for me.  I was flooded with compassion.  After that moment, I worked very hard to detach with love.  Up until then, I practiced detachment, but I must admit that a lot of my detachment had occurred with indifference.  I had become somewhat numb to the drinking and the chaos it had caused.  I became kinder and more considerate.  I began to treat him with the same dignity and respect I'd learned from Al-Anon meetings.  This shift in my attitude and behaviour helped me support my husband's journey to sobriety.

Oppportunities for Peace       by Lorna F.

When I first arrived in Al-Anon, I wanted a list of ways to keep my alcoholic loved one sober.  I was surprised when no one gave me a list of what to do.  What I heard over and over were the slogans.  I came to understand that any list I found in Al-Anon would be for me to follow, not to keep the alcoholic sober.

     I was able to use the slogans to take my mind off his behaviour and to help me focus on my own.  "Live and Let Live", "How Important Is It?", and "Let Go and Let God" were the beginning of my recovery and gave me a way to get the crazy thoughts and ideas out of my head.  When I wanted to tell the alcoholic, or anyone else I wanted to control, how to live their life, I went to the slogans to quiet my mind and give me something else to think about.

     As I grew in recovery, I realized I had come to Al-Anon to fix the alcoholic, but I stayed to fix me.  I am not fixed yet; however, I now have so many tools I can use to help myself live a peaceful, serene, and joyful life whether the alcoholic is drinking or not.

We Don't Have to Be Perfect      by Leslie R.

Before I was in Al-Anon, I was sure it was my job to get my alcoholic husband to stop drinking.  I thought it was my job to control everything; the household and the finances.  I made excuses for him.  I knew everything would be great if he just stopped drinking.  He finally hit bottom, and so did I.  He went to rehab and took recovery seriously.

     Thanks to Al-Anon, I discovered I was handling it all wrong and that by taking control of everything, I had made him feel worthless.  I had hurt his feelings.  We both started working on our programs, and what a difference it has made to use the tools of the Twelve Steps, the slogans, and the literature.  We are continually growing through our programs now.  We are both so glad to know we don't have to be perfect.  I love the slogan "Progress Not Perfection."  Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon have saved our lives.