The Forum             

 The Forum is an international monthly publication of Al-Anon Family Groups, that offers help and hope for the families and friends of alcoholics.  Al-Anon and Alateen members share their challenges, insights, and progress along their path of self-discovery and spiritual growth.  The magazine also includes topics for discussion at meetings as well as news and information from Al-Anon's World Service Conference and World Service Office. To order your subscription click Here

The following articles are reprinted from the October 2025 issue, with permission of  The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.,Virginia Beach, VA

A Disease of Communication and Relationships       by Kimberly M-P.

I believe that alcoholism is a disease of communication and a disease of relationships.  When my husband offered to help me around the house, I didn't expect him to volunteer to wash my daughter's expensive sports gear.  I cringed.  Would he do it "correctly" (aka my way)?  I always hand wash the items in question.  I wanted to tell him how to do it when, all of a sudden, I heard my Sponsor's voice in my head.  She would have said, "He is a grown man.  If he wants to wash his daughter's gear and messes it up, you let him."  I didn't say anything to him.

     But, seconds later, when he pulled out her white uniform and red uniform from the gym bag, I cringed again.  Would he separate the colours?  Again, I didn't say anything.  At that moment, I decided that if we ended up with a pink jacket instead of a white one, the worst-case scenario was that he would have learned something, and we would have to replace the jacket.  It is better to replace the jacket than risk damaging my marriage with petty arguments.  No one likes being nagged.  No one likes someone hovering over them, making sure they "perform" correctly.  I certainly don't.

     When he finished washing and pulled it all together out of the machine, I was shocked.  "Oh! Did you wash all of that at the same time? And it didn't turn the white jacket pink?" I asked.

     "Oh, they don't make red dye that bleeds anymore," he said.  I couldn't believe it.  I would have made that laundry load much harder on myself than it needed to be.  Ultimately, I was the one who learned something.  Finally, I have learned in Al-Anon to stop nagging people and to stop needing everything done my way.  I want people to love me for who I am, and thanks to Al-Anon, I can offer to others what I want for myself.  I'm able to "Live and Let Live."

Patient with the Process       by Thea J.

Just weeks after a milestone birthday, I broke my hip in three places.  I'd been shooing a lizard off my front porch, and when the lizard leaped, I reacted to its sudden movement and hit the floor.  I exited my house on a stretcher and spent months recovering.

     During the mending period, I had time to think about how Al-Anon applied to my current circumstances.  Step Twelve tells me that I can practice program principles in all my affairs, and this affair was no different.

     "Gratitude" surfaced first.  A top orthopedist performed my emergency surgery because he was on call.  My body now has mobility since I was approved for extended rehab.  Family and friends were unwavering in their care and encouragement.  There were reasons to be hopeful.

     I had time on my hands but could do little.  Whenever my brain switched into fix-it mode, I was reminded of my wobbly legs and weakened body.  I was unable to be of service by bringing a meeting to someone who may need it, drive my granddaughter to soccer, walk the dog, or rescue a distraught friend.  Bound by my body's limitations, I was forced to focus on myself like never before.  I thought of the slogans "First Things First' and "Let It Begin With Me."

     I was often impatient with the process.  I resented carefree runners breezing by my door and felt frustrated by my slowness and uneven gait.  Recovery was taking too long, and it hurt too much.  Then I would remember, "One Day at a Time," "Easy Does It" and "Keep It Simiple."  These slogans that had sustained me through the many crises of active alcoholism and beyond were very useful in this situation too.

     I see daily proof that "This Too Shall Pass."  I am healing, moving forward, and embracing existence.  Once again, Al-Anon principles have enhanced my life.

My Life, His Choices      by Anonymous.

I have never been a drinker, but I have had to face the fact that I was powerless to stop my young son from drinking.   What was it like for me to admit I was powerless over alcohol?  It was sickening and terrifying.  There was so much damage, and some continues today.  I have had to learn how to live with the possibility that my worst fears might come true.  I mean truly live, not just spend my time hunkered down in dread or trying to protect him.  I love him, but I do not owe him the sacrifice of the rest of my life.

     He is the only one who can decide to change his drinking, and my involvement in that distracts him from facing reality.  I did feel I was to blame and that my inadequate parenting contributed to his drinking, but I could not control or cure it.  However, he makes the decision every time he buys and drinks alcohol.  Every time he deals with the results of drinking, it is up to him to decide how his priorities might change. Accepting my powerlessness was hard but this is my reality as a parent.  The wording of Step One, "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable,"  encourages me and helps me to recognize that I am not the only one facing this situation and finding a way to live fully despite it.